This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
