I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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