I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
