i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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