Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
