My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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