Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
