he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
