guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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