I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
