And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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