if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
