hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
