Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I wish I only lived at night.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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