i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize