marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
