so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
