FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
