Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
