Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
