Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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