wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
