i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
