somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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