I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
