i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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