Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i will never coherently bang her
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
