Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize