The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
