I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
