Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
