Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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