I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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