batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
