I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
