So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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