god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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