you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
