its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
