Cold hands, warm shart.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
