So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
