i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
