i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
