He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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