Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
