I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
it was like eating out sand paper
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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