My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
