Screwed.edu
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
