When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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