drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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