who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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