'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
