oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
