he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
