I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
