I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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