i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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