my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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