I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
