why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
