Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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