you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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