Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
