you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
