oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize