Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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